Gareth, I'm very glad that you've found someone who has boosted your esteem and self worth, genuinely. But I think you're misunderstanding me and misunderstand how that pipeline happens to you. Yes, feeling lonely and unwanted can certainly make it easier for harmful people to manipulate you, but a lot of that loneliness to begin with comes from male friendships not offering the level of intimacy that female friendships do. Women get lonely too and feel unloved too but we're not conditioned to be closed off to our closest circle of friends. Queer friendships also have a very different support network. And it's a system long run by men and enforced by men that make male friendships so limited.

I hope that you'll take the love and confidence you feel and the distance you've put between yourself and some of the darker places that perform masculinity on the internet and that you'll be the guy who lets other men know that they can lean on you and be vulnerable and that they deserve those well rounded friendships. Really and truly there's nothin women can do about that AND I want you and everyone to find belonging, peace, and room to grow WITHOUT needing to find a soulmate or romantic partner. There's nothing wrong with being uplifted by romance but that puts the responsibility on someone to come in and save you. It doesn't help you do the work you need to on yourself, work we all need to do and should continue to do even when we have a partner and feel good. And it doesn't help other men in any way if your takeaway is to preach finding a partner or to tell women that they should actively be looking for men to save off the shelf, ya know?